Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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