you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize