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My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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