when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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