Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize