how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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