Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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