Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize