Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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