Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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