There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
false alarm, still single
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