Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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