I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize