Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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