Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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