you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize