my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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