I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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