She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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