hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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