i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize