You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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