I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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