She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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