Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize