How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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