i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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