We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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