like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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