Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drake has all the answers
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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