I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize