so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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