bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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