dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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