'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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