Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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