You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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