return my video game
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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