I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize