the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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