Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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