I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize