Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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