We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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