i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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