Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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