so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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