i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you didnt know i had herpes?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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