Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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