come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Randomize